Tiger Has a Wiener

These, in Japan, are wieners.

I’m a firm believer that children should be taught the correct names for all of their body parts. Teaching weird euphemisms like “Tinkerbelle” or “winkie” is not only detrimental to healthy sexual development but it’s downright creepy. Seriously. To quote a random website (http://www.kidscenter.org/prevention/tips-and-suggestions):

“Teach children anatomically correct names for their body parts. Research shows that when children are taught the anatomically correct names for their body parts, it enhances the pride they feel about their bodies. Just as you teach your children that a nose is a nose, they need to know what to call their genitals. Encouraging kids to use a correct and “universally” recognized word assists in other adults recognizing statements that could be abusive or worrisome. Additionally, providing correct language helps a kid understand their bodies and lets them know it’s okay to talk about and ask questions about all of their body parts.”

I grew up in a Christian, homeschooling family with an overworked mother and four siblings. This combination of factors resulted, by casual neglect rather than parental intention I should add, in my learning nothing about human bodies (including my own). I was in university and had been sexual active for several years when I first learned of the existence of the urethra. I’d never thought about it, but if you had asked me I suppose I would have said that women peed from their vaginas. I invite you to take a moment to think about how appalling that is. Needless to say, my menarche was more than a little traumatic. So, with my adult freedom from religious baggage, I planned matter-of-fact and open discussions about the body and sexuality with my children.

But. 

Thinking about wieners

My dogs don’t generally bite other people. One recent exception was a friend who is very tall and slim-limbed but with a little bit of a beer belly. This confused Hayate, who while sitting beside the-afore mentioned friend on the couch, once took a curious nibble of said friend’s tummy. Fortunately the friend was more surprised than hurt, but it did make me nervous about Tiger’s penis. Soon after moving in with us Tiger exhibited enthusiasm for running through the house naked. His crotch is exactly at face height for Hayate. I was concerned that Hayate might be curious about this bounding appendage he hadn’t seen before and take a nibble, so I tried to explain this to Tiger. “Hayate will bite me?” He asked looking scared. “No no, not bite you exactly, he’ll just… You know Hayate loves wieners, right? He might mistake your penis for a wiener and take a bite, thinking it’s food. He won’t BITE you bite you.” And from that day on, Tiger has been in love with the idea that his penis is a wiener and refuses to call it by any other name.

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