Friday, 24 August 2012

"Hey Japanese Woman, You Should Marry a WHITE Man!"

One of the most unpleasant things about living in Japan is the cringe-worthy behaviour of some men, predominantly white, towards Asian women. I am not saying that every man with a Japanese wife or girlfriend is this kind of a creep by the way. In fact, those men who are not creepers seem to be even more creeped out by the creepers than anyone else. I'm also not talking about Charisma Men here, although they are also certainly a feature of life in Japan.

Here's a scenario I encountered recently. Two male ALTs sat down uninvited with a female teacher and quizzed her about her love life. When she said that she didn't have a boyfriend, they launched into a tag-team speech about the benefits of a "foreign" (which I think was unambiguously code for "white") boyfriend. A Japanese man wouldn't respect her, they said. Foreign men loved cooking and would help with house work, they said. This scene is one I have witnessed over and over in endless variations. It's the "a white man will sweep in and save you from marrying an evil Asian man" line. Because, you know, ALL white men do half the house work and no Japanese man has ever respected his wife's career.

Nowhere do racist and sexist stereotypes crop up as quickly as in discussions on international relationships. Listen to this gem:
Still, there is a quality about the typical young Japanese woman that, even today, sets her apart and makes her attractive both as a lover and as a wife. This quality includes a clear perception of herself as a woman who has her own place in the world and does not have to compete directly with men.; along with a heightened sense of femininity and sensuality.
Among the things foreign men should keep in mind when contemplating the attractions of young Japanese women is that: (1) they tend to change more than American or European women do after they get married; (2) that if they are removed from the Japanese environment they tend to very rapidly lose some or all of the "Japanese" qualities that made them different in the first place; and (3) that long exposure to foreigners even in Japan has the same effect on a reduced scale.
 Of course, these changes are not necessarily bad or undesirable. The more "Japanese" a girl is the more she must change if she is going to keep company with a foreign man, anywhere. The foreigner is not going to start acting Japanese [...]
 Have you finished barfing? How much does that Orientalist rant sound like the kind of thing you read when choosing a dog breed? The quote comes from a book I inherited along with a box of others from another ALT. After reading some of it I assumed that it dated back to the 1970s or '80s, but in fact it was published in 2006. 2006.   If you would like to express any thoughts on that (I should also mention that it contains a chapter titled "Happy Hunting Grounds") please feel free to contact the otherwise excellent Tuttle Publishing or better yet leave a review on amazon. The book is "Sex and the Japanese" by Boye Lafayette De Mente.

One of my teacher-friends recently took a year off to care for his baby son full-time while his wife went back to work. Guess no one gave him the "evil Asian husband" memo.
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  1. /stirring the pot

    I've also seen the same 'down-on-Japanese-men' attitude amongst female ALTs when they bemoan their lack of eligible men.

  2. Ha! Stir away XD I am certainly not trying to suggest that the only racial fetishisation that occurs is white men --> Asian women. I have heard white women say some appallingly dehuminising things relating to their fetish for Black men, for example. But the thing that makes the behaviour of the guys I am complaining about different is that they extend their stereo-typing much further than the sexual attraction. They make assumptions about life-long behaviours and personality traits of both men and women who are Other.

    1. You sound like you haven't been fucked in a long time.

    2. In reality a lot of the white dudes in Japan came here to get away from feminist cunts. That's really what it boils down to, they couldn't take the mouthy white broads anymore. Jews in The Anglosphere have degenerated the society and poisoned the minds of Caucasian girls to hate family, religion, and their place as the caretaker of the home. It's actually very subtle from watching James L. Brooks tv shows Mary Tyler Moore, one day at a time etc.

      They've brainwashed silly waifs like you to seek a career and go against your nature to nurture children and to be a good mother and wife.

      That's the underlying need that men want and that society needs. You little smart ass sarcastic little girl ARE THE PROBLEM with the West.

      It didn't have to be like that but you're SELFISH & A NARCISSIST.

    3. We call it the yellow fever. It spreads both ways and go from a deep subtle attraction to asian (in my case japanese) men to OMGYOURJAPANESEILOVEJAPANESE, all in your personal space, pretty creeped out and a little fearful about showing her your back.

  3. Thank you for this, Sophelia...Witnessed the same when in Japan in the early 90'...amazing there has been no change in stereotypes...

    To Tuttle's credit, it looks like they haven't published any more of La Mente's books since 2006. Have you taken a look at his other books (via Wikipedia):


    MISTRESS-KEEPING IN JAPAN! - The Pitfalls & the Pleasures, Phoenix Books, 2009,

    Samurai Principles & Practices That Will Help Preteens & Teens in School, Sports, Social Activities & Choosing Careers, Phoenix Books

    AMAZING JAPAN! - Why Japan is One of the World's Most Intriguing Countries!, Phoenix Books

    EXOTIC JAPAN! - The Sensual & Visual Pleasures, Phoenix Books, 2009

    The Bizarre & the Wondrous from the Land of the Rising Sun! Phoenix Books, 2010,


    WHY ORIENTAL GIRLS ATTRACT WESTERN MEN! - The Erotic Side of the Orient!

    There are obviously some psychological complexes at play here...Assuming Phoenix Books is a self-publishing house....

    1. Oh wow... I had not seen any of those o.0

    2. Blackanese Ninja28 April 2015 at 08:37

      Hey, Hi!!! Listen!! This is 2015... Japanese dont give a shit whether you are white, black or green!!

      Japanese today is still run in traditional forms and those who are married and living in Japan itself feel the full blow of the evilness!

      I know because I lived in both Aichi-ken & Tokyo for 10 years.

      Please dont be fooled by that clean looking skin and dark hair and sutle soft voice, lmao!! Have just 1 child with your girlfriend in Japan and you wll see and feel what you dont feel as a white man living in,tje west.

      Japanese have their culture, but they are well clued up on others too!! Especially the black culture...

      Has anyone stood up the supreme court in Tokyo and had to question his own wife infront of judges in an open to the public hearing on here for the sake of saving his,marriage and keeping his livity with his daughter??

      I have in 2008 four day trial it was...

  4. Hadn't either; looked up the writer on Google after reading your post to see what his own story was; if his views had changed. Apparently not...

    Thanks again! Follow your blog with much enjoyment!

  5. I had (still have) great respect for the japanese women. They are born and brought up in the most advanced country on the earth. I'm an Indian and my wife is also from Japan. She is an Angel and mostly Japanese ladies are angels in my opinion, exceptions excluded. They are exceptionally selfless and benevolent. They have got 'Byoudou' or Equality in Japanese society and they grow up with such idealism. Good for them in Japan but being an Indian or a person from the sub-continent I know the vices of such countries. These innocent loving girls become victim of sinister or ulterior motives. They can't differentiate between truly good or posing good people. They just end up getting married to such assholes and start suffering afterwards. As one come closer, one discovers the dark sides of such two-legged parasites. These kind of pests utilize the naivete of these girls and easily make a passage to japan to earn and become rich soon. And once fallen in love, these sensitive loving caring girls find it hard to leave their husbands. I feel badly for such girls who suffer like anything. And a particular kind of men from Bangladesh, Pakistan, India, Iran, China and such third world countries know this fact pretty well. I know such a family in India; four brothers married Japanese girls. I discovered that such men hail from Islamic background chiefly, if not co-incidence. Such people either target such girls touring in their countries fooling them to marry themselves or visit Japan anyhow to trap such girls with their sweet talks. If Japan government doesn't take any stern actions against such immigrants, it won't stop. These girls will continue suffering because of their pure assumptions.

    1. I don't really know where to start with this one, which is why it's been sitting here so long without a response. Anyone want to jump in?

    2. I think he brings a good point. Japanese assume all foreigners are as kind and diligent as Westerners. Now that Japan is copying the West and bringing in third world peoples, the naivete and honesty of Japanese is being taken advantage of.

      As far as the one-millionth-English-speaking-woman-in Japan-Sophe, if you miss the doting from frustrated men, go back home. Good men are valued outside of the Anglosphere, so going to another country isn't going to cut it.

    3. Hi there! You didn't read my post, so you're either trolling or you're one of the understandably frustrated 400 or so people a month who unfortunately get directed to this post after googling "how can I marry a Japan woman" or "sex with Japanese women" or my personal favorite "naked pictures of Japanese women in the bath". I can imagine how annoying it would be to end up here and trust me, I am as disappointed in google as you are.
      As I have advised another commenter, check out (unless, of course, you are already featured there in which case I apologize).

  6. I believe those white ALT men are correct. Western husbands are well-trained by their cultures to be much more equitable in marriage, since they are raised with `modern` rather than `traditional` values. On the other hand, Japanese women tend to be more self-less/self-sacrificing, giving, and duty-oriented in marriage, due to their traditional upbringing. Why all the racial labeling and negative attacks in this post? The truth is the truth. Btw, it`s not just white men from western countries that tend to share in the housework, but ALL men who grow up in modern, western societies. Nobody is saying good or bad, it`s just part of the marriage equation one should consider.

    1. Hi Anonymous, thank you for your comment.

      Japan is a modern country. So thoroughly modernised, in fact, that it defeated the great European power Russia in war in 1905. I apologise if my complaining about the lack of IT services here has given you the wrong impression.
      I don't know what kind of "traditional upbringing" you are imagining Japanese girls have, but seriously, LOL.

      You should check out , maybe it will make what I am getting at a little clearer.

    2. Russia a great European power? Probably more backward than Japan in 1905, definitely more backward than Japan now.

      Good for a laugh though!

  7. Replies
    1. Anyone planning to "propose his girlfriend" probably needs some help ^_^;

  8. What are ALT's, and personally my satisfaction with japanese woman, is her. She beautiful, confident, and shyly confident. She knows how to make me a leader of the domain and be strong at the same time. She knows how to align our worlds and keep her heritage with gentle practice and confidence, I love her she is pure in my heart. I love her.

    1. I love cheese. It is smooth and crumbly and sometimes rubbery, and even when smelly it delights my mouth. It knows how to make me happy but never expects me to return the favour. I love it with all my heart and stomach, and I can never part from cheese despite the moral imperative I acknowledge in veganism.

  9. The amount of angry white dudes and trolls trolling this post is high. They are all butthurt about the truth and once again blame white women for all their problems. It takes two to tango. It's a white mans colonial world after all yet they blame women for everything. And the way these white guys diss Asian men, it's like where do they think Asian women come from? From two parent's both an Asian women and Asian man, so the women these white men love so dearly are made thanks to Asian men, so I find it weird they diss them so much. Also I find it weird white guys diss white women so much when they themselves came from white mothers, probably they have mother issues and hate their own mothers or have zero respect for them. Sadly Japan has many white dudes who feel superior to Asians and love conquering Asian women.

    1. You know, your hatred of white men won't help the situation. I'm a white male who is interested in Japan. Even though I'm not a feminist or an SJW, I believe in treating everyone with respect. Yes, that includes my enemies.

      In the OP's post, I cringed when reading about the two men who were hitting on that girl. Personally, I don't think that's the right way to get a friend - AT ALL. REAL friendships take a long time to build up! Those guys seemed to be looking for something more like a one night stand, I'd say.

      I did notice, however, that the OP's post and some comments in general are very negative towards white men. Keep in mind that racism and sexism can go both ways. I know that some white men may frustrate you, and I completely understand and agree, but PLEASE keep in mind that not all of us are like that! Don't put us respectable guys together with the jerks! Us "nice guys" really are out there - you just don't hear of us or notice us because we don't cause nearly as many issues!!!

      If you're not understanding, then look at it this way:
      Just because some black people are criminals, doesn't mean that all black people are criminals! We can both agree on that, correct?..

      P.S. I really think Japanese culture is cool, and as such, I have great respect for it. In addition, I do think many Japanese girls are very cute, but I don't see them as sex dolls/objects.
      (Yes, I am a sucker for cuteness. Nya!~ ... I'm kind of a weird fellow. A number of times I have had people online get confused about whether I am a guy or a girl, because I don't fit the male stereotypes! Rather, I fit more of the female ones! XD
      But I'm still a guy, and am happy to be different.)

  10. As expected, this page is full of thick-headed, ignorant, arrogant & embarrassing Euro males with no manners or class who mistake the Asian politeness & consideration for others which they themselves don't have
    for submissiveness
    & thick-thighed, ignorant, arrogant & embarrassing Euro females with no manners or class who mistake the Asian politeness & consideration for others which they themselves don't have
    for submissiveness.

    Japanese of either gender aren't interested in Western trash.
    The cringe-worthy male behaviour is the most embarrassing.


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