Wednesday, 17 December 2014

The End of Further Adoption Aspirations (For Now, At Least)

So this happened.
Hello people of the internet, I have a confession to make. It turns out that no matter how difficult it may be to secure condoms, making your stash last longer by assuming some days are "safe" is, in fact, unsafe, irrespective of smart phone apps and scrupulous charting.  In other words, I am pregnant.

Although we never wanted Tiger to be an only child, this isn't exactly what we had in mind. Although it does not necessarily disqualify us from ever adopting again, it will make it a lot harder and restrict our options. Many agencies and some CGCs will not accept applications from couples with biological children at all. Others require that biological children be a minimum age before they will accept applications. On top of all that, what modest savings we did have in the bank ear-marked towards further familial expansion are now having to be redirected to the insanely expensive business of preparing for a newborn. Even though everything it is safe to do so is being purchased second hand and plans to cloth diaper and breastfeed should cut down on costs, honestly, it's still a struggle. Especially factoring in my lost income.

It's going to be a long time before we can look at adopting again, and that means Tiger won't have a sibling near his age for some of the years when it is most fun to have a partner in crime. He's thrilled to bits at the idea of being a big brother, but I've been feeling an extraordinary amount of guilt. There are three orphanages within short driving distance of our home. It's entirely irrational to think about it in these terms because I know few of the children are available for adoption and furthermore our local CGC has remained adamant that they want us to proceed through ISSJ for future adoptions because they aren't confident in handling the international aspects themselves, and we couldn't have afforded that immediately even without the baby~ in other words, there was no imminent prospect of adoption anyway. But still. We can afford financially and emotionally to raise a limited number of children, and creating one who didn't previously exist reduces by one the number of already existing and waiting children who we can parent. Please understand that I am talking about how I feel here and what our plans were as parents, not in any way criticising others' choices or attitudes. Adoption is a complex issue and I certainly don't see it as some sort of overarching moral imperative, but for us, in our situation, we felt that parenting by adoption was the ethical choice and I rarely fail to live up to a decision I make on ethical grounds.

This is my mea culpa.

Now it's done, the next post will be a funny story about my dogs, promise!
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  1. Congratulation! Congratulations!
    Mixed families (adoptive and bio combined) are the best, and you'll see: you may or may not not easily be able to adopt from J again, but adoption is world-wide. Very, very happy for you. Once your baby is visibly here, you'll see that even and especially this little human was meant to be. (This kind of thing happens all the time, and with wonderful results, of course). I'm all smiles, inward ones and outward ones.

  2. PS it's going to be wonderful for Tiger: he's at the perfect age. Also - there are great studies showing the positive effects on elementary school aged children when they're around babies and small children on an ongoing basis. :) :)

  3. Congratulations! I wish you to have an easy (as much as possible) pregnancy and not very long labor!

    1. Thank you, I have to say your labor story scared me a little, but 頑張ります! XD

  4. Wonderful, beautiful, fantastic news! Congrats on becoming a mum for the second time! And why on earth feel guilty about bringing new life in the world? And don't worry about the money. It will come. It always does for young families.

    You'll be great!

  5. Congratulations! It's unfortunate that it disrupts your planning, but your new baby will be very lucky to join such a wonderful family. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

  6. I am feeling really very happy when i reach your article. Thanks for giving wonderful article to us. durex condoms online india


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