The Human Tape Recorder

Picture from "No, my nose does not need plastic surgery"

If you read any ALT forums or blogs you will be familiar with the idea of the human tape recorder. The Japanese teacher is compelled to bring the ALT to class but has no desire to use them/doesn’t know how to use them/can't communicate in English and so simply has them repeat words from the text book and nothing else. Some ALTs spend their entire time in Japan playing this soul-destroying role. I have been incredibly lucky to work with amazing teachers at both my junior high schools (and at my elementary and kindergarten classes are usually ALT led, with the Japanese teacher playing the assisting role). In my first two and a half years I had never suffered the cassette player treatment. That changed when one of my teachers had a health scare and had to retire suddenly. Her substitute, who is now a full-time teacher, fulfils all of the negative stereotypes about Japanese teachers of English. She does not know how to use me. I became a cassette player. It’s a mind bogglingly dull and stupid, and after those students spent two years with me as their main English teacher at elementary and then six months with a talented JTE with whom I had an excellent team teaching relationship in junior high, seeing me standing at the back of the classroom doing nothing contributed to what has become a complete breakdown of any kind of classroom discipline. Still, I decided to do what small tasks I had with all my heart. When it came time to “repeat after ALT”, I gave each word my all, trying to pronounce each word so evocatively that even without translation the kids could guess its meaning. It’s easy with adjectives like “soft”, but impossible with basic nouns like “pen”. I found it quite meditative. We rarely think about words alone, but English words are truly beautiful (no matter how hideous our grammar is). Try it now. Say “exquisite” aloud. Say it in the most exquisite way you can. Try to express every shade of meaning it has with your voice. Exquisite. Isn’t that lovely?

It seems that I went too far. After I finished my “model reading” and the JTE began to say the words the students rebelled. “You sound nothing like a native speaker” they yelled. “Your pronunciation is SHIT. Why are you even an English teacher?” She stopped having me pronounce words. She was still compelled to take me to class, but she began using the CD that comes with the text book. I lost even the small role of human tape player, and became a human classroom decoration. It didn’t help the situation with the students. The first thing they said was “why are you using the CD player when she’s right there? You’re embarrassed to be beside a real English speaker, that’s why.” 

Kids are smart.

This is a very old comedy sketch from Shimura Ken, but unfortunately I don't think much has changed in English education in Japan. The sketch is still as biting today as it was in the 1980s.